Another Day in Parasite

I have always enjoyed nature programs and science documentaries on television. There seems to be always something to learn about and something new to explore and wonder. I feel like I am actually benefiting from this rather than becoming brain dead watching soap operas I adore.

Once in a while a documentary will fascinate me and at the same time make me gag. This particular one on parasites did just that! I could not believe that billions of bed bugs live with you in your bed and in your pillows! They thrive on your sweat and feast on it for years and years. Imagine bedbugs seeing you lie there snoring and saying, "Hey guys, it's chow time, come and get her!" Yuk and Yuk. Even though I cannot see them I can now feel them. And they unfortunately are the ugliest tiniest creatures I have ever not seen by my naked eye. Alas, the program managed to enlarge this hairy and alien like creature
for all us to see.

The first thing I did was toss away all my pillows and felt the weight of each one. Apparently, pillows get heavier with these nasty bedbugs. I bought fresh new pillows and since I always need at least four on my bed, I bought six. Then when I came home to put the factory sealed, bug free pillows on my bed, I could not help but worry about all the EXISTING bedbugs living in my bed jumping up into the clean pillows to make additions to their homes! Like traveling to another
country on holiday, they would be traveling to another pillow! Another YUK. What
to do? The scariest part was thinking of a billion bed bugs seeing you half naked every night and not escaping my farts! The only other times I have
heard the word 'billion' was with Chinese or Bill Gates in the same sentence.

I did the unplanned and unexpected of buying a brand new bed. I went to every bed store my car could possible take me to inside of half an hour. When one salesman tried to sell me a bed with horsehairs, I screamed! Imagine how much my bedbugs will like that? Another store showed me the 'best they got' kind of bed which ended up sounding like elements in a zoo. The mattresses actually had lamb hair as well as horse hair and I think some ducks. This was surely a quack! "How can you do this to me?" I asked the salesman and stormed out of the shop.

I immediately raced to find another bed store. I tried to find organic beds but that does not yet exist and it still could contain some form of animal hairs or tainted spinach. I finally found a store that sold these beds you see advertised at 3 in the morning when you can't sleep all night. You know, the ones where some lunatic (lunatic actually has the word moon in it!) jumps up and down on a bed that shares a full glass of red wine to prove that when two people or more share the bed, one does not disturb the other. But after that glass of wine, who cares? Anyhow, besides biting your lower lip anticipating the glass of wine tumbling all over the pale mattress, and you do want it to spill or that jumping guy to stop jumping; there is something convincing about this ad. The foam mattress is made of some form of outer space material. Or, outer space people tested this indestructible foam. One or the other, it
convinced me to try this one out. I recognized the ad, so I ran towards it.

I sat on it, jumped on it and asked the salesman for a glass of red wine and he said "What time should I pick you up?" After my grimace and Joan Rivers finger in mouth imitation, I asked him if bedbugs exist in outer space? After a replacement salesman came in, I again asked if this mattress would be bug free always? I was advised that indeed yes, bedbugs do not seem to favor these foam mattresses because they are made of artificial materials that even a bulldozer can not destroy. I told him that I was not
convinced and if he could demonstrate this with a bulldozer for me?

I ended up buying the outer space fake materials bed and when it arrived, I was so excited. I was afraid to watch another discovery program until I got my bug free bed. It was very comfortable and I was proud and happy to have this new clean addition. When they took my old bed out, I could not help but stick my tongue out at it! That'll show them I thought!

After I made my bed and finally unwrapped my new pillows to put on my new bed, made me the happiest woman alive. No more bed bugs to worry about. No more nightmares about my sweat being sucked on by a billion bedbugs. I wanted to send the television network a thank you note. I was again in good shape and sleeping most of the night.

That is, until I watched a program about recycled water we drink and bathe in each and
every day! I am moving to Evian with my parasite free bed!

-----------